Why is it so hard to forget our first love? I thought I could erase him in my mind. I thought he’s dead. Dead in my soul. Dead in my brain. I hate to say this. But well, I don’t think I can do it. I meant, forget him. Susah. I’m not a person who easily love guys in a serious way. I like so many guys before. Like and love have a very different meaning. One more thing, I’m totally scared to tell about this to my friends, but I loved to express everything in my blog. No-one reads my blog either. I like $&#!. But, I love someone else. 2 person at the same time. Okay, seriously how to tell you? I’d still have a feeling towards my old crush, but out of blue, my feeling is trying to play around. I hate this second guy sometimes, literally not really hate la but at the same time I can feel I care for him and I love...him. I have no ideas. It’s hard for me to describe this feeling. Susah. Only Allah knows.
Sometimes, I had a feeling he hates me. Sometimes, I had a feeling he likes me. And sometimes I had a feeling he just want to play around. My fragile heart couldn’t describe this freaking feelings well. I’m just 15, I have no balls to make a decision by myself. I will ask opinions from my friends before I make these decisions. They are helpful much, I suppose. That’s one of my reasons I loved them, especially the people I trust the most; Aziza, Farah, Farina and Syahana. Because they are always be there for me. Aziza, a person I could tell almost all my secrets. Farah, she will try her best to give opinions to solve my problems. Farina, never fails to put a smile on my face and try to cheer me up. Syahana, she loves to solve my problems. She also loves to prove it to me something I don’t know. Alhamdullilah, I’ve blessed with these people in my life. I really really really want my relationship between my friends and I are stay forever till death. So, the guy I meant is the person I liked. He has almost all the characteristics I’ve wanted. Pious, nice, good-looking, taller than me, smarter than me, loyal, be honest and can be my punching bag (err no, we haven’t talked that much yet, so no way for me to punch him) . That’s all, I guess. But sometimes, I had a feeling he just wants to prove to people he could gets all girls in this world. I don’t know why the fuck am I thinking like this :s Okay, whatever I say right now is actually fucked up. Berjiwang jap ^^ K. Bye.